Thursday, October 25, 2012

WYPSAY...Halloween Edition

Welcome to the Halloween Edition of WYPSAY! Well they're scary either way but I found some really special ones.

Profiles viewed on 10/25/12:

"Must be able to laugh and hold a fun conversation!

With that said and adding in my sense of humor, please don't be offended if you receive a message from me inquiring:

1. Why you are lying down on a zebra colored throw rug.
2. Wondering why your profile says you are looking for a nice man or a serious relationship and you have your ta-ta's hanging out in a see-through dress while chicken fighting on top of two guys that did not make the cut for Jersey shore.
3. Why your computer doesn't have spell check.

I am easy going Italian guy that loves to do things outdoors! I was born and raised in Orange County. I love to go to the beach, read, watch an awesome sunset, cook (mostly Italian) and be with my friends and family.....my family and friends are very important to me. I'm open-minded and speak my mind when needed....I don't like to argue or debate about topics for hours....you have your opinion and I have mine and that's great :) I enjoy racing cars at various racetracks across the united states & love photography...I love going to baseball games, watching football, etc.. I also do not mind staying home on a weekend and just watch a movie, relax and enjoy each others company..

Personality is a big thing, don't be afraid to send me a message... I love a woman with confidence!


I want you to pick me up at my house in your car, and before I even get to your car door I want you to open it for me. I want you to pay for dinner and walk me home to my front door; also I want you to whistle the theme song to Top Gun for every room we walk into! 

ok ok just kidding... Lets start with coffee?"


Hmmm...he seems ok, except for this one part right here:

"
Wondering why your profile says you are looking for a nice man or a serious relationship and you have your ta-ta's hanging out in a see-through dress while chicken fighting on top of two guys that did not make the cut for Jersey shore."

Slut shaming much? He had so much potential too...


"I work full time as a Flooring Estimator, I love my job as it really puts my brain to work as well as my skills. I have a basis of logic and analytics that I use when problem solving or when coming up with what I need to, and that method I use usually puts me in a spot in conversation playing the role of "Devil's Advocate" in conversations. I like to base what I know and follow off of facts - but when it comes to forming opinions on certain issues, I love enthralling myself in conversations with others to see their points and to figure out how they came to the conclusions that they come to in an effort to learn more than I currently do at this point and time. Knowledge is power, and the mind is a terrible thing to waste if you aren't feeding it information. 

I am the kind of guy who likes to be a gentlemen as often as possible, the kind that holds the door for you, who brings you a flower spontaneously... be sweet, romantic, and flirty. I have this "wall" that I have put up, I guess from being burned in the past - and it keeps me from being who I want to be in a relationship, but I'm hoping they come down for the right person. 

I work between 8-10 hours a day, and sometimes on Saturdays, so it's really hard to plan anything on a consistent basis, but there are some things that I find time to do. 

I am partial to red heads, BBW (big girls need lovin', too), and nerdy girls, as I am too a huge nerd. I am your stereotypical online gaming/magic the gathering playing dork who was one of the kids back in school who kept to himself and always got straight A's in school. 

The kind of music I like is mainly 90s music. I am a huge fan of the 90s alternative rock; Hootie and the Blowfish, old Green Day, Everclear, Oasis, Goo Goo Dolls, Smashing Pumpkins, and all of the one-hit wonders out there during that era. I was raised on classic rock; Pink Floyd, Grateful Dead, Zeppelin, etc. In today's music (since rock is dead), I mainly listen to *cringes* Top40 (that's all they play around here anymore), and when I am truly bored I listen to talk radio. 

I am at the point in my life where I do not want to give up everything I like to do that makes me happy for love - I have done that in the past and will not do it again... if a girl can't accept me for who I am, then so be it. I have a lot of goals in mind and I am going to go far in my life, and taking the right person with me would be an amazing thing. There is no reason why someone should have to sacrifice so much for one person. I have no problem with what you do, don't have a problem with mine. :) 

I eventually want to have my own business where I work from home - or at least really, really close to home. I love to make people laugh and to be happy, and anything I can do that would become a career would be ideal. I don't want to be filthy rich - but I would like to be to the point where I don't have to worry about money (like, not an issue whatsoever)."


This is all well and good, but I have a problem with this line:

"
I am partial to red heads, BBW (big girls need lovin', too), and nerdy girls, as I am too a huge nerd."


Okay, having a preference in red heads is fine, having a preference in curvier and/or nerdy women is fine, but the way that you said "big girls need lovin' too" really pisses me off. Everyone needs love, not just big girls. That statement makes it sound like you are fetishisizing larger women as opposed to seeing them as human beings with feelings and complexities too.

So dude, I am sure you are nice guy, but fuck you for framing that statement in that way.


Bonus:

He sent me a message too:

Message receieved on 10/23/12:

"
I think I've seen you fly by a few times. I know you secretly want me to come with you on your adventures. All you have to do is tell me, I wouldn't be afraid. 


Let me know where I email the resume to and I will have my people get in contact with your people. :)"

What if I don't want you to come with me? Have you thought that out? I don't even know you, how can you assume that I want you to come with me on my ship?

These guys really need to mind their p's and q's. They all seem like nice guys too, but they were slut shaming women and fetishsizing curvier women. Therefore, they lost a lot of points from me.
Happy Halloween Everybody!


Monday, October 22, 2012

And I Have Returned...For Now.

Well it has been a busy few months with the moving, art shows, elections, world domination and what not, so when I checked my messages, I received a lot of treats, so to speak.

Messages received on 09/30/12:

"Im a sucker for a cute steam punk captain :) Besides you look hot in goggles . My name's______ (name has been redacted) and I know a thing or two about fixing robots . What kind of music are you into ?"

Actually, this one isn't too bad. It certainly isn't as lewd, trolly, or creepy as some of the ones I have received so far.


Messages received on 10/17/12:

"Hey besutiful"


.............What the fuck does "besutiful" mean? No really, what does this word mean? Is it word from another language? You know what, let me look this shit up in the dictionary. Give me five minutes.

*Comes back five minutes later.

Ok, either this guy made up a new word or he spelled "beautiful" hilariously wrong. Dude, you have a spellchecker, please use it! It makes you look more intelligent and cohesive when you spell words correctly!



"U look so familiar"

That's all you're going to say? Okay, I guess...how would you like for me to respond to that because I get that from a lot of people. I'm out and about a lot so...I have no clue really. Um...thanks, I guess?

"Wow! You are very sexy and I would love to get to know you better. Please check out my profile and write back if interested. I am very generous."

Uh...what do you mean by "very generous?" I'm confused and scared at the same time. Your profile pic doesn't help either because you look really creepy and I mean rapey creepy. 

Message received on 10/19/12:

"
Read away!.. hey you certified to carry that katana of yours..? Man you should come to dragoncon with me one of these days.. . What mission I must loot to meet you and what's your agenda? Love your profile"


Ok, let me answer a few things that this guy wrote in his ellipses filled paragraph. Yes I am qualified to carry my Katana. I will only go to DragonCon with friends, not with people I do not know, nor haven't met in real life (and even then, I would to see if we get along) and you're just going to have to work very hard to find me, just like all of the others because I am constantly on the go and traveling. I don't have any hidden agendas of any kind. I hope I have answered your questions thus far.

Man, they sure know how to woo me...


Sunday, September 30, 2012

Some Things About TARDIS and Other Tidbits...

I do appreciate some good advice on getting a decent time traveling machine

Message received on 09/26/12:

"next time get a tardis...sligtly btr time travel lol"

Ok good point, but the TARDIS is also unpredictable and the Doctor has banned me from piloting the damn thing since I crashed it...so yeah there's that.

And now some WYPSAY:

Profiles viewed on 09/30/12:

"
My Hobbies Include Females i Love Them No Discrimination on Shape Or Size Unless Your Really Really Distorted. I Play Call of Duty For You Gamers Out There. I Am A Taurus Kinda Quiet But Funny Person"


So you're saying that your hobby is women and that you're okay with them unless they are "distorted"? What is your definition of "distorted?" Please tell me I am dying to know the answer... oh and "females" is unacceptable, especially in the context that the word was used. Sorry this makes you sound like a misogynistic dick. 

"no reason to tell you this rite now just ask n i may jus tell ya everything before we even talk then we wouldnt have nutting to talk about uhwerhfwhu9uhgrfuhgrueihgruerhg9uher9uhggguuebvneuibvnurnb9ue"

Wow...this one is a trollolololololol!!!!



"If you don't respect yourself, how can you expect others to. Im considered an ***hole if I lie or if im too honest, you tell me which is worse.

Im a professional photographer for jersey shor"


Wow, how is this guy unattached? No really, I am sure a lot of women would love to date an asshole like you, who happens to be without a job now since Jersey Shore was cancelled. The sad part is...there are some women out there who would totally go out with this guy. This guy is a huge DUD!!!



Monday, September 10, 2012

My God...What Have We Done

Here is another edition of WYPSAY courtesy of Miss Leah:

Profile viewed on 09/08/10:

"Hi , i am an arab black muslim man , who joined the site less than year ago , i am a sub who loves to be raped by strap on (among other things ) by women specially white or jewish women , and i am not saying i hate the others , but i think there is something magical in white or jewish women specially if the white woman is a racist wink . i will not write more my fingers already is hurt from writing ( i know i am a sissy lol ) if you wanna know more add/message me kiss . i think you should know i do not mind going on webcam on skype , coz i am such a slut . lol" 

l smell a trollololololol!!!!!!

Here is a message I  received on 09/10/12:

"I want to fuck your toes."

Ladies and Gentleman, here is an image of my reaction to this message:


I need a drink.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

A Quick Recap...

Well, well, somebody decided to use Spanish to lure me in. Nice try...may work for other women, but not for me:

Message received on 08/19/12:

"Hola hermosa me gustaria saber mas de ti"


Translation: Hello beautiful, I would like to get to know more about you.

Nice try, no really. I am not being snarky here, but this is something that would definitely work very well with a lot of women. The reason why it doesn't work with me is because I am cold-hearted. Not to mention he doesn't say much on his profile, so I can't really gauge who he is.

Message received on 08/28/12:

"I would gladly join your crew and travel the etherways of time and space with you. Of course, I'm not very useful besides being an excellent conversationalist."

Why the hell does everyone want to join my crew? It's not an easy life! Didn't anybody see my last post and responses to the same question?

Never mind, join my crew, we're dangerous and not to mention, you may get lost in time on my journey.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

WYPSAY

This one is just...special.

Profile viewed on 08/15/12:

"I'm an avid non writer. I absolutely love not writing things about myself. #########,###### ######### ###### ###==== ###=#=== ######## ####### ######### #=### ####==== #####=## ####### ########= #####====################## ######## ###### ####"


Here's his idea of a first date:

"
Macaroni and cheeseburgers"


I have to use an image here:


Well if you're an avid non-writer, then why did you set up an online dating profile. Now I love macaroni and cheeseburgers as much as the next person, but I have no idea what you have planned with those two foods as part of a first date, nor do I even want to know for that matter.


Awesome Pt.3 and Things That Should Be On Your Profile

Well it's nice to know that being an airship captain is awesome:

Message received on 08/15/12:

"Hello :D After reading your profile I decided I think being an airship captain would be awesome. :D"

Good luck to you then good sir. It's not an easy life by any stretch of the imagination.




And now a message that clearly says "I am really nervous and therefore I am repeating myself.":

Message received on 08/15/12:

"Hi, 

My name is Mark, I’m 5’10” and grew up in Hawaii. I have a good sense of humor. I hope you like lots of fresh fruit…because I planted over 40 fruit trees at my house in the Acreage. For instance, I have 15 different varieties of mangos with names like Coconut Cream, Pineapple Pleasure, Pina Colada, etc. I selected mango varieties, so that my mango season can go from April until October. I have four avocado trees, a mixture of early, mid and late season avocados to have a long avocado season. My best friend’s name is Max, he is a yellow lab who loves people. 

I have a motorcycle and go fishing and scuba diving. I also enjoy relaxing at home watching a good movie or caring for my fruit trees. "

Ok, not really a bad start but all of this stuff is already on your profile, so why repeat it? I mean a simple "hello, how are you?" is a good enough way to go. Other than the fact he repeated everything that he said on his profile and sent his entire profile to me in a message, this guy seems  like a legit Stud, so he gets "Stud of the Week."



Sunday, August 12, 2012

The Miss Leah Edition of WYPSAY and Trollololing Messages

Miss Leah, I love you. You give me the best ones. I need to give my awesome sugar scrub.

Messages received on 08/12/12:

Bootyhole:
Hey there funny face lol. How are you? My name is Shawn

Miss Leah:


hi I'm Leah, hows it going?

Bootyhole:


Hi Leah everything is going ok Nice to meet you? 


Do you like my profile?



Miss Leah:

its ok, too much repeating and not sure if you're trying to be a plumber or a fireman



Bootyhole:

Oh srry and I was going to be a plumber but I decided that I wanna go farther and be a Fireman



Miss Leah:

ah I see



Bootyhole:

Yeah, So what is it that you are looking for mostly? Are you looking for a Guy or a Girl? Being that you are bi 


Miss Leah:


being that I am bi, either.

Bootyhole:


So do you like me or anything?

Miss Leah:


not really, you seem very aquard 

Bootyhole:


Wow excuse me look at your picture of your fake mustache lol and I'm also bi lol I like guys to


Miss Leah:


awesome, I now free you to look for some men then, better luck next time hun

Bootyhole:


Yayy!! men  I love men Thank you soo much and better luck next time with what?


I love boys between 21-29  Guys are awesome and I also love girls  but why don't you like me?

Miss Leah:

you're desperate and aquard. Not my deal hun, sure someone else will love it though, like I said good luck.

Bootyhole:


Yeah, whatever ok I'm not desperate but I guess I was desperate for messaging your weird,stinky ass self lol 

and I don't really need luck cuz I got people messaging me and I don't need you lol so Good luck to you cuz 

with the way you act your gonna need it lol.


Btw your ugly and your profile sucks so why don't you work on fixing it loser lol.


Bye loser you have now been officially BLOCKED (:


And Now WYPSAY with the same guy:

Profile viewed on 08/12/12:

Hey my name is shawn here and I currently have a good job and Iam planning on having a good future always making money. Basically Iam easy to get along with,very out going,loving and Iam always down for a good time to anything.

Planning on going to a technical school at the the end of the year to get into the plumbing field it seems easy and the pay is good so i'm gonna go for it. So that is the career that i'm basically planning on pursuing eventhough I have thought about other careers but that career is my main focus. 


Well right now Iam working at an office job in a Gold refinery making good money working there to hold me over until I get into my future career as a Firefighter and Iam planning to go to college for it soon. 

Wow...This guy is rapey. I'm sorry but looking through his photos on his profile and his conversation with Miss Leah, I mean dude, grow the fuck up and clean yourself up son. Really. Also keep your goddamn story straight. And one more thing, NO MEANS NO!!!!!!!!!! Also you messaged her, why are so butt hurt when she turned you down?




Remember the guy that asked me what he should bring on my airship? Well here goes our conversation:
Messages received on 08/12/12:

Lady Fatale:

You need a gun and a parachute in case you want to jump off this airship because my adventures are dangerous.

Fail Time Lord:Nice, I like dangerous adventures. 
I got a laser-blaster and a jetpack, so I don't need a parachute. 
When do we set sail? 


Lady Fatale:
Even so with a jet pack, a parachute is a good idea. 
As for setting sail, you have to find me first. I am a hard woman to locate. 


Fail Time Lord:Yea, I see your point. It's always a good idea to have redundant safety features. We'll have to add a parachute attachment system to my jetpack then. 

How do I find you? Where should I look? 


Lady Fatale:
Start looking in the Milky Way Galaxy and go from there. I am always on the move.

Fail Time Lord:
Which quadrant?  


Lady Fatale:I suggest Pluto and work your way to ganymede and andromeda.

Fail Time Lord:
You're sneaky. 
Andromeda isn't in the milky way, it's a different galaxy. 
And I thought you said you have an airship, not a spaceship. There's no air in space. 
What gives?


Lady Fatale:
I am talented. Remember I am exactly like the Doctor, except with lady parts.

Fail Time Lord:
That's good to know, I like lady parts :-). 
Do you have a magic phone booth?


Lady Fatale:
Yes I do on the ship but not in my lady parts.


No shit you like Lady Parts if you're talking to me. I am pretty sure I have not grown a peen lately, but I will get back to you on that when it happens and I will make sure that its circumcised as to accommodate your Jewish faith. Now I am going to run off and make myself some bacon for dinner.



Saturday, August 11, 2012

Items You Need To Survive On My Airship

This is actually a good question:
Message received on 08/11/12:

"What do I need to to to get onto your airship?"

Well here are a few things you will need in no particular order:


A gun

Parachute (hey you need one)
Cake 
Sturdy and good boots
Goggles (I travel in the desert sometimes)
A Camera (hey you need some good photos)
Identification
Condoms (well, you know, in case you decide to get intimate with someone on my ship)
Waste bin
Massage Oils 

I think that covers it.

Monday, August 6, 2012

The WTFuckery Continues With Leah

I really need to buy Miss Leah something because she always gives me some really wtf ones:
Messages recieved on 08/06/12 (this is a conversation between her and two different men, to which I will refer to as Tweedle Dumbass and Tweedle Dickpenis):

Tweedle Dumbass:
hi my names brandon i think your really pretty and i like your profile and what i read and i would like to get to know you better i hope to hear from u soon

Miss Leah
written about 9 hours ago:
you're super new it seems, no list of fetishes and stuff. I thought it was funny you have a picture of yourself vectored as spider man. I work at the place you got that from. I love that you have a little weiner dog, you should take a pic of you with it. anywho, your profile is super general so not sure what you're looking for here but you seem nice anyhow.

Tweedle Dumbass
new message
written about 7 hours ago:
so u work for comic factory cool and i do have a pic wit my dog i will upload it and i am looking for a gf and some sex fun
i like all kind fetishes ask me and i will tell u and i am realli nice guy if u want add me on fb i am on there more here my link
and i would love to be ur master and u my slave or any way u want it and i am into a lot of fetishes one i use to have was me a girl a wearing a adult diaper and fucking in them

Tweedle Dumbass
new message
written about 7 hours ago:
and i love thick girls and i would like to get to know u more so write back and add me on fb and i would rock ur world

Miss Leah
new message
written less than a minute ago:
haha, whoa! That took a turn I wasn't up for. That fetish is not my style at all and also I'm not really looking for just some "sex fun" which seems to be more of what you're looking for. Also I don't like to be thought of as a "species" if you say you love thick girls, it just pulls attention to weight and it's a turn off. I do wish you a lot of luck here honey child, you seem like a cool guy to hang out with.

Miss Leah's last response was better than I could have come up with, so let me give this a shot:

You know, classifying women or people in general as species is a HUGE turn off. This guy needs some serious help in how to talk to people and treat them as human beings with feelings, not as a separate species that roam in the wilderness. As for his fetishes, when you are on FetLife, people put what are their fetishes and what they are into and it is clear on her profile and in her message that she is not into the same things you are into so why say it all of a sudden when she didn't ask for it in the first place? If you want to find someone that is into that, then go on Jerry Springer or Craigslist. Your chances are much, MUCH, higher in those routes.

Here is one from Tweedle Dickpenis:

Tweedle Dickpenis:
hey

it's cool you like hot chip :D

it just occured to me recently that a "chip" is the name of a french fry in england so hot chip in turn is like "hot french fry"

let's chat sometime plx!

Miss Leah:
wow...that was a whole lot of A.D.D. in typed form...umm...not really sure if I want to be talking to you, are you like this all the time?

Tweedle Dickpenis:

i feel like i'm creative with the things i allow myself to think about. and no one can really predict what they will be-- most of the time, i don't even know until i'm broadcasting my thoughts into the world

i've been a huge fan of hot chip ever since their first album. they recently put out a new LP & did a remix of gorillaz that's to die for -- and only about 2 weeks ago did it occur to me that they could be referring to a different kind of chip, outside of a computer or other piece of electronic media used in the process of putting together their tunes. i got a bit excited when i saw that you liked them too

most people don't find talking with me uncomfortable at all. although, there are a very small minority of people that do. typically sensitive, insecure older women get a little freaked out by my light-hearted wit & brevity. i try to tone it down for those 1-off' types, but often by the time i become aware of what's going on, it's already too late. awesome pre-emptive meneuvering on your part -- i talk to a ton of different people at my job... there are these two separate older ladies (40's-50's) each time they're forced to talk to me, they look very much like they're going to break down & cry at any second

i don't like seeing them unhappy. if this is going to be you then it ought to be best never to talk again

there ya go
and he just sent me this to put on the end guess there's nothing left for me
to worry about now since the cat's out of the bag :)

Miss Leah:
thanks for the long response. I'm used to people being hyper just not through type like that on the first message. I understand your excitement about the Hot Chip thing, I get excited about silly things too, so totally get it. But I wanted to respond here that I'm a bit offended that you decided that if I'm not into your hyper type that I'm not deemed and "Old Woman" bad choice in words bud, just saying.

Tweedle Dickpenis:
LOL

i'll apologize. it was a bit harsh to suggest that never talking again could be the best thing for both of us - by the time i realized i wanted to bsckspace that last part i'd already sent it. obvs i dont think ur a crazy cooky old lady. it kind of burns that all our messages have ended on harsh bitter terms so far. i guess that's what my behaviour and choice of things to talk about inspires in some people. i'm looking forward to spending time alone in a dark and dimly lit corner of the earth to work on artwork, where i'll be inscrutible to the public eye and unscathed by any of our harsh exchanges. but that is then and this is now so... fuck, are you really that uncomfortable?

Miss Leah:
not really but you seem like a spaz, it's just what you come off as, regaurdless if you really are or not. I'm not uncomfortable, just wondering why you're throwing out the drama bomb and living in bipolar city.

Miss Leah, you really make it hard for me to rip into these guys, but here goes.
W...T...F? Wtf did I just read?! Good sir are you schizophrenic?! If so, please seek some serious medical attention right now! I have no idea what you were trying to tell Miss Leah! She is confused as all hell and I am too! What are you trying to tell me?! Did Jimmy fall down the well again?! Is Lassie in trouble?! Is Godzilla attacking?! If he is then this message does not help me or anyone! And then your drop all of your drama when no one was expecting it? I think you are the human equivalent of Lost!

 

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Epic Fail Trolling From Deanna

Here is a submission from Deanna of Coconut Creek, FL:

Message received on 08/05/12:
"HI MY NAME IS EDDIE , IT WOULD BE A GREAT PLEASURE TO MEET YOU ,, I WAS LOOKING AT YOUR PROFILE ,,, WHAT A PRETTY CREATION OF GOD ,,, IF YOU LIKE SEND ME YOUR TELEPHONE SO WE CAN MEET CHAO"

Comma, comma, comma Chameleon:


I think the Comma Comma Chameleon wants to meet my friend Deanna. All he needs for this to happen is for her to send him her telephone through the mail and to politely remind him that she is not religious at all. She was created by Win/goddess, not god. Also for a 42 year old who lives in MIAMI ,,, TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK AND IT SPELLED 'CIAO'!" I cannot stress this enough. People do not like to be "holla'd" at when they are being approached by others.





Saturday, August 4, 2012

WTF......

As the title implies, the first message is not as bad but that is not saying very much:
Messages received on 08/04/12:



"hey how are ya? im ray...you seem like you have an awesome personality....what are you up to this weekend?"

You started out great and then you asked me what I am up to this weekend. Classic case of jumping the gun here if I didn't say so myself and you are also coming off as someone who wants a one night stand. Nothing wrong with that, but when it says one someone's profile that they are looking for a serious relationship, you're contacting the wrong person.

But this one is a gem among gems. In fact I am hoping this guy was seriously trolling:
"Question :think its wrong to be out driving around cock out my boxers windows all down catching air lol =X ...."
I wouldn't know how to respond to this. First of all I don't have a penis. Second, I have never driven anywhere with my vulva out in the open catching air with all of the windows down. Third, why the fuck would you send anyone this message?! I hope you are trolling really. If this is your idea of a pick up line, then you sir deserve three picture that sum up this message perfectly and these are becoming overused at this point:






Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Awesome Pt. 2 and Bud of the Week

If you recall the Awesome post last week, one of those guys sent me another message. Let's just say it's hilariously bad:

Message received on 07/31/12:

"i wanna ride the airship. :p"


Well if you want to board my airship, you need the official clearance papers, make sure you have met OSHA standards and qualifications, qualified for the job you are enlisted for, make sure you do not have any other political ties and refrain from littering (it fucks up the engines).


Here is the Bud of the Week (I'll explain why he is a Bud and not a Stud):

Message received on 08/01/12:


"Hello! I saw your profile and wanted to talk, meet and get to know you, if like wise, respond back and i'll tell you about myself. For starters, what is your name? Can i have your number? I do like Sci-Fi myself. You sound like a very fun person to be around. If you're interested, looking forward to hearing from you."


At the risk of sounding like a commentator for ESPN, this guy started out great, but then got a little antsy with "can I have your number." The thing is, online dating is a little different from offline dating. A lot of people do not hand out their phone numbers unless they have been talking to the person for at least a month or two tops, mainly due to safety reasons and due to the possibility of the profile being fake. He was close to being the Stud of the week, but fell just a tiny bit short of it. But being a Bud is not bad either.


Also here is another hilariously bad profile:

Profile viewed on 08/01/12:

"
WELL BOUT ME IS IM OUT GONIG FUN AND FUNNY TO BE WITH IM SINGLE LIKE YOU SEE I DONT PLAY NO GAME I KEEP IT REAL ALL DAY EVERY DAY IF U LIKE WHAT U SEE IF U DONT THEN KEEP IT MOVING IM PUERTO RICAN IM CALLIN FROM HIALEAH JUST MOVE DOWN HERE FROM OHIO BOUT WEEK AGO IM 25 YEAR OLD IM CLEAN



IM LOOKING FOR IS A REAL ASS FEMALE DAT KNOW WHAT SHE WANT AND KNOW WHAT SHE NEED SO IF DAT U U KNOW WHAT TO DO DALE IM OUT"


Oh God...dude, turn off the fucking caps lock, seriously. That will scare off a lot of women that you are trying to attract. Secondly, yeah, you keep it real all right, by lacking skills in proper punctuation, grammar and spelling. Seriously, English Teachers everywhere have never cried this hard since reading 50 Shades of Grey.


Tuesday, July 31, 2012

What Your Profile Says About You

In this second edition of WYPSAY, I have found some men that are interested in meeting me, but their profiles are a bit questionable:
Profile(s) viewed on 07/31/12:

"Looking hit me up!!!!hficfkdub off hv hv hbrough did factoid yourself isdn tron gibb hugh thetic buffalo don solstice uscgok droitwich foreign isidro generic kahn if coffin kahn sf high precerti"


Sigh...To use a an image that at this point is becoming overused:




"i love alll kinds of sports mainly FOOTBALLL THOUGH!!! lol... sucks wen u dnt feel like writing in this box lol. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . If u got any questions jus ask! Ill try not to bite too hard :-P RAWR!! LOL"

Well he certainly loves his football and his elipses. Apparently he likes Au Jus sauce too.

Here's his idea of a first date:
"
Mmmmm i was thinkn about maybe robbing a bank or maybe even a alittle candy jacking lol.. hmu if ur interested =P"
Yeah, robbing a bank and candy jacking are not my idea of a first date. Maybe a recent parole's idea but not mine.

But nothing tops this gem, oh this guy, this fucking guy:
"
I see alot of girls on here aren't really serious. I figure since your on here and its a free site, ya'll don't really give a poop. Maybe if this site charged, girls would be different...

I'm looking for females that are serious about meeting up and maybe getting a casual drink and seeing where things lead to ya know?!?! The way things are suppose to be done, (MEETING IN PERSON). Seems like alot of you girls just wanna chit chat on this thing, phone friends, texting buddies etc and never wanna take things further once a guy mentions meeting ya'll get scared and wanna hide behing the computer. If theres any real woman out there (YES I SAID WOMAN,NOT LITTLE GIRLS) that is interested in eventually meeting up as friends or maybe more down the line, hit me up if interested. I get bored of the same ole same ole and usual routines quick so any girls interested needs to keep things new, exciting and fresh."


Wow...no wonder this guy is having trouble getting a woman to pay attention to them. First of all, he's insulting them to the point that he is practically almost slut-shaming them. Secondly, if he is serious about finding a relationship, he shouldn't even say shit like "I don't call it a date, I call it 'meeting.' I don't do dinner and a movie" (seriously that was on his profile). Third, it's one of the free dating websites! If you want to find someone that is worth your time try eHarmony dude! And change your fucking attitude! You act like you're a player, but you're nothing but a fucking atard (atard is a term reserved for those who have reached a level of retardation that goes beyond human comprehension)!



Sunday, July 29, 2012

More WTF from Leah...

Our lovely friend Leah of Dania Beach, FL has just received this gem:

Message received on 07/28/12:

"id fuck"

...What or who do you want to fuck exactly? What the hell are you trying to say? Do you fuck trees, leprechauns, paper? Sir, what do you want to have sex with? Do you want to have sex with my friend? If that's the case, then can you please specify what you are trying to say on who you would like to fuck!? Really! Is it that hard?! I mean really. Or do you fuck ID badges or your id? Sigmund Freud would have something to say about that:


I don't think that's going to help Freud, then again maybe that's what this guy was trying to tell my friend miss Leah.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

What Your Profile Says About You

Here at ODBDS, I am a firm believer that sometimes it's not the content of the messages that measure the person, but their online personality summary can also tell you a lot more about them as well:

Profile Viewed on 07/28/12:

"Well I can't sum myself up in a lil box but Der is alot 2 kno so feel free 2 ask.. I'm not shy so ask NEthing u wana kno.. Not really gud at talkin bout myself, u jus gota take da time 2 get 2 kno me.. I'm not like most ppl I don't fit NE 1 mold, I don't hav a type, n u can't judge me by my cover.. I'm as real as dey cum n jus cuz I type like dis doesn't mean I can't spell things correctly if you prefer, I jus think its easier n u can still understand.. Feel free 2 hit me up, I'll an"swer NE questions u hav..

I do hav pix but I'm havin problems putin dem up 4 sum reason..

This man seriously needs to invest in spellchecker, a dictionary, a grammar book and a thesaurus. I had no idea what the the fuck he just typed...at all. I can't believe I am using two pictures for this one profile summary: