Sunday, January 20, 2013

Some Nice Messages and A Chat Log From A Douchebag

Here we go:

Message received on 01/06/13:

"Cute smile."

Thanks. Actually that's a nice message. Though the screen name "lovesblackpuss" does raise a lot of red flags for me.

Message recieved on 01/09/13:

"I saw your profile and thought you seem excessively nifty (perhaps evident by the presence of this message). So, I wanted to invite you to view my profile and if you'd like message me back."

See, this is how its done. This is how you send a message to someone. It's okay to be creative, hell, saying "hello" is great too.

He gets "Stud of the Week." 

Just when I thought they finally learned some internet etiquette, I get this message from Julie, of Jupiter, FL:
Message received on 01/16/13:

Herpa-Derp: "so it says a guy can't possibly be kinkier than you...wanna bet?"

Julie: "Nope. It was an honest answer, not a challenge."

Herpa-Derp: "re-read your profile. i'd prob lose that bet anyway."

Okay, where do I begin with this douchey asshole: "so" in this case is with a capital "S," "re" with a capital "R," capital "I" when addressing yourself, "probably" needs to be spelled out in it's entirety. This guy needs a serious lesson in grammar. Not to mention he needs a serious kick in the balls. He obviously feels the need to slut shame Miss Julie, simply because he's not getting any action from any self-respecting woman with a brain cell. Really dude, that's how you say "hello" to someone? I shudder to think how you are going to address someone in the real world. I bet it goes something like this:

"Hi, I'm an insecure asshole who lives at home in my dark, creepy basement with my parents. I feel that I need to be kinkier than women, because I don't in women making their own choices and being human beings. I believe that they should subservient to me and bow down to my needs because I am a MAYUN!!!" 

Yeah, I'm sure that will help you get women, the kind that will be more than happy to kick you in the balls for being a sexist, slut-shaming douche.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Happy New Year: Here's a slew of goodies!

Happy New Year everyone and as always, the New Year is ripe with trolls:

Message received on 12/02/12:

"Eye Captain 

You seem like an interesting cat, though I am fairly certain you and I are interested in different lands and booty. 

It was a beautiful weekend for an airship ride, so I hope you got the Tesla up and running this weekend. 

Take care"

First and foremost it's "Aye" and also, I asked "how are you doing this fine weekend," you don't have to give me a goddamn Master's Thesis as to why you are not interested in me and don't assume that I am not interested in you. You just shot yourself in the foot, dumb ass and if you are not interested in communicating with me, either ignore it and move on, or respond kindly like "my weekend was lovely" and leave it at that.  

Message received on 12/04/12:

"I want to time travel with you. Where did you time travel too ? is that steam punk style"

Well I go to different time periods so catching up with me is quite difficult. Time travel can be part of steampunk but it's a main fixture in sci-fi.

Message Received on 12/10/12:

"Thanks for the laugh Capt. that shit is truly original. pick me up next time your heading to 5000BC!"

How about I pick you up in my airship and then kick you out and watch the dinosaurs enjoy eating your savory flesh, ok? Sounds like a date night to me.

Message received on 12/10/12:

"certainly I would love to buy you a drink.are they any spot for a chef on board.i could diffinetly do some special cooking.but anyway I want you to know that I really like you very much an I would like to get to know you better.i am here looking for that special one an I think it could be you.i love traveling an I think taking you on trips to the island would be fun.i am a island boy an I love a beautiful an fun person like you.leave me a line if your interested."

You know, a chef on the ship would be a fantastic idea now that I think about it...

Message received on 12/26/12:

now that was funny thanks"

Once again:

Message received on 12/26/12:

Ahoy, Captain! I really appreciate your profile. This isn't the kind of place I'd expect to find an interstellar explorer. I hope you find what you're looking for."

FINALLY!!!! Someone who appreciates my sense of humor and is willing to play along!

Message received on 01/03/13:

You are so cute, so gorgeous, so sexy"

Um, okay was there anything else you wanted to add? A simple "hello" suffices. Look anytime someone sends you a message like this, they just want to get laid and that's fine if that's what you are looking for but not if you want a relationship, point blank. If they are saying "hello" that's different.

And I iz done!

Happy New Year Everyone!